So... When I die, I'm going to need someone to finish some of the work I started. The qualifications are as follows:
1) You must finish and the publish any drafts found in either my "toilet memoirs" or on my blogger
2) If the new bible has not be written you must consult my appointed successor and finish what I started, but you can't put your name on it. Because that's not fair
3) You must personally visit all of my women, past and present, and deliver the news to them before the funeral. You'll want to do it in person. I'm sure their reactions will be worth the trip alone.
4) Lastly, you will be the emcee of my funeral. I request my funeral be a celebration of my life and the freedom that comes with my death. Celebrate knowing I lived a full and prosperous life and I died a happy man. I want to be burned on a beach in Barbados. Preferably, a bonfire but I'll accept something less obvious. Just don't make some wack ass pussy fire.
5) Attendants of the funeral must bring something I gave them/reminds them of me/something significant to the funeral and explain why they chose the specific item. No crying either. Celebration only. Play lots of music, I want a DJ or something! And please... Feed the people. A funeral without food is a criminal offense.
If you're interested just find me and I'll approve or deny your request to bare this heavy burden. You must also outlive me so healthy, insured people only. No health insurance, no need to apply. No faxes
Gif!!
1) You must finish and the publish any drafts found in either my "toilet memoirs" or on my blogger
2) If the new bible has not be written you must consult my appointed successor and finish what I started, but you can't put your name on it. Because that's not fair
3) You must personally visit all of my women, past and present, and deliver the news to them before the funeral. You'll want to do it in person. I'm sure their reactions will be worth the trip alone.
4) Lastly, you will be the emcee of my funeral. I request my funeral be a celebration of my life and the freedom that comes with my death. Celebrate knowing I lived a full and prosperous life and I died a happy man. I want to be burned on a beach in Barbados. Preferably, a bonfire but I'll accept something less obvious. Just don't make some wack ass pussy fire.
5) Attendants of the funeral must bring something I gave them/reminds them of me/something significant to the funeral and explain why they chose the specific item. No crying either. Celebration only. Play lots of music, I want a DJ or something! And please... Feed the people. A funeral without food is a criminal offense.
If you're interested just find me and I'll approve or deny your request to bare this heavy burden. You must also outlive me so healthy, insured people only. No health insurance, no need to apply. No faxes
Gif!!
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